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Jaimie Cahlil
counselling + psychotherapy original soulful spiritual art
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counselling
& psychotherapy
Contents
PICTURES
In
this website, all artwork shown with a title underneath was
created by Jaimie – with the exception of ‘Empathy’ which
was painted by his son (professional artist, Darran Ijada).
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Jaimie Cahlil
(Dip. Couns.) – Integrative-Transpersonal Counselling and
Psychotherapy,
An accredited member of
BACP
(British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy),
I am bound by BACP’s Ethical Framework for Good Practice in
Counselling and
Psychotherapy, and subject to the
Professional Conduct Procedure therein.
I am also an Associate Member of
AHPP
(Association of Humanistic Psychology
Practitioners). The
UK
AHPPis
an independent member organisation of the
United Kingdom Council of Psychotherapy (UKCP) and of the European
Association for Psychotherapy. |
Many Returns of the Day
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to
enlarge
Introduction
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Jaimie
Cahlil
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My understanding, since early childhood,
is… we are all in this world, and life, together. I’ve always sought to
understand my own self and others, as well as life itself. Drawn to work
directly with people, as well as through my art, in later years I
trained as a therapist, offering clients my listening enquiring mind, my
compassionate heart, my experience and understanding - and my being.
My work as
artist
and therapist mutually compliment each other. While those qualities -
that hopefully make me a receptive, intuitive, authentic, warm,
effective therapist - find expression in my pictures, my creative mind
finds expression while counselling clients. All is inter-related.
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Therapist
as Healer
Profound knowing
arises from personal experience… and ‘getting it right’ from
‘miss-takes’.
The
empathic therapist will have experienced suffering – or wounds - of their
own. Hence the term, ‘wounded healer’.
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Shell Breaking
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So,
WHY therapy?
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What brings a person to
therapy? It may take a crisis... or a gradually-worsening situation...
perhaps within a relationship... before we reach for outside help. It may
take years of silent suffering before we ask for healing. Alternatively, it
may simply be an increasing sense of unease with our self and life that
finally impels us to seek guidance.
While we may be fortunate to have
family, friends or some other trusted person able to listen and accept…
however loving and patient they may be, sometimes this either isn’t
appropriate or practical, or perhaps what we need is unavailable. And so, if
we feel ready and able to face whatever it is, we may then go in search of a
‘neutral’ person, professional and trained, who ‘holds’ a safe and
confidential space for us each week, where it’s OK to be exactly as we
are...
With the therapist’s understanding and
non-judgmental help, we have the opportunity to work through our confusions
and questions in our own time, discovering our own answers, gradually
receiving a sense of integration or healing.
Whether it’s a specific issue that prompts
us, or a vague and pervasive unease, it may also be something wider and
deeper that we are seeking: in other words, the existential. Life can be a
challenging experience, and we may find ourselves wondering why we are here
and what may be the meaning of life: life itself, and perhaps also our own.
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Life
and Death
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The (‘big’) existential questions we may have asked as children, often
give rise to many thoughts and feelings, over the years. The great ‘why’
and ‘how’ questions we usually start asking as children may have been
discouraged, subdued or pushed away. Depending on how these were
originally answered, we may now experience confusion, anxiety and
fear...
Perhaps
the most debilitating fear
arises at the prospect of our own death.
Irvin Yalom refers to such
existential fear of
personal annihilation as ‘death-terror’.
He writes:
‘It is one of
life’s most self-evident truths that everything fades, that we fear the
fading, and that we must live, nonetheless, in the face of the fear.’ He goes on to remind us that the
Stoics spoke of death as
‘ the most important event in life.’ Adding,
‘Learning to live well is to learn to die well; and conversely, learning to
die well is to learn to live well.’
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Mindfulness and Forgetfulness
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We have a tendency
to forget where we are and what we are doing, the tendency to give away
our personal power and let our self be swept along in whatever current
that happens to carry us. We may become so engrossed in the details or
trivia of life, we forget to stand back and survey the whole. In fact,
we have the continual opportunity to review how we wish to live and be.
I find my self
frequently observing the difference between those who seem to sleepwalk
through life and those who are really alive and awake. Most of us are
somewhere in between the two...
In my experience,
there’s nothing as effective as the realisation of the inevitability of
our life’s ‘end’ to awaken our sleeping soul-!
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My Journey
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‘Longing for Mother, Answered’
(detail of the under-drawing that evolved into the painting)
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During early
childhood and ever since, I’ve reflected on my experience of being,
realising increasingly how our shared experience of being here and being human
connects us on the essential level with one another.
To
quote Carl Rogers:
‘At those
moments it seems that my inner
spirit has reached out and touched the
inner
spirit of the other.
Our relationship transcends itself
and becomes part of
something larger.’
Since an early age,
awareness of 'the whole' has been very present in my perception of,
and my relationship with, the world.
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In addition, my creative sensitivity has
alerted me to the presence of pattern and rhythm... the pattern of the
tree within the leaf, the rhythm of the ocean within the breath, the
cycle of human experience within the seasons, the continuously
fluctuating nature of sky and emotion, the pattern and rhythm of
conversation and inter-relationship, the natural law of ‘cause and
effect’, patterns within patterns, and the ever-present dance of pure
energy...
Much of my life’s work has been an
exploration of self and our shared reality, and the search for both
personal and universal truth. Drawn to connection with others – directly
and through creative expression, and having worked for many years with
children and adults of all ages - eventually I was ready to train in
therapy… |
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Now I’m able to offer, as my working tool, my be-ing… and my experience
of life. As I live my life and listen to others, I witness our human
strengths and vulnerabilities, our sense of belonging and unity, our
fears of separation, loss and annihilation, and all kinds of
re-occurring patterns within the greatest pattern. As we labour in the
waters of life, we are carried in the all-encompassing arms of constant
and inevitable change...
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Like the Waves
of the Ocean
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enlarge
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Counselling
& Psychotherapy |
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Moment
of Recognition
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enlarge
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Jaimie Cahlil (Dip.
Couns.) – Integrative-Transpersonal Counselling and Psychotherapy,
An accredited member
of
BACP
(British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy), I am bound by
BACP’s Ethical Framework for Good Practice in Counselling and
Psychotherapy, and subject to the Professional Conduct Procedure
therein. I am also an Associate Member of
AHPP
(Association of Humanistic Psychology Practitioners)
The
UK
AHPP
is an independent member organisation of the United Kingdom Council of
Psychotherapy (UKCP) and of the European Association for Psychotherapy. |
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As a counsellor and psychotherapist, I
have been through extensive therapy myself, as part of my training and
also a pre-requisite for practising. I regard my ongoing supervision as
a continuing commitment to my clients and an essential support for my
practice.
Responding to their clients' needs, the
therapist will work to the required depth and length with their clients,
brief therapy answering a person’s needs for immediate alleviation of,
or strategies for managing, a present difficulty. This is
issue-orientated and is commonly regarded as ‘counselling’; deeper
lengthier therapy is process-orientated; referred to as ‘psychotherapy’,
this enables the person to explore their whole self and entire
experience of being…therapist and client working together with emotional
and body-held feeling, potentially leading to release and healing within
the deepest subtle energetic levels.
The counselling-psychotherapy continuum
provides a transformative relational process designed to support, guide,
empower (with opportunity for self-development), and gradually bring
about healing. |
The
Job of ‘Talking’ Therapy
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As the therapist’s role is to assist you in
making your own journey together with your own choices and decisions, it
does not normally involve the giving of advice, or acting on your behalf.
The deeper process of psychotherapy is aimed
to help you explore who you are, and encourage you to develop or regain a
sense of meaning in your life.
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You will be guided with sensitivity into
those personal areas of which you may not be particularly aware – as if
these aspects of your self are in shadow. This will require your
increasing trust in your therapist, and may take courage and time to
develop. Additionally, your ‘shadow’ may well contain qualities that
would usually be considered ‘positive’, as well as ‘negative’ material.
Your readiness to do this work needs to
be carefully monitored by your therapist, the depth and pace guided by
your own responses. As a result of this work, you may feel empowered to
do something yourself about what isn’t right for you, rather than
feeling frustrated, helpless, or lost.
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Guardian at My Shoulder
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Exploration of the ways in which we
communicate with each other, on all levels, enables us to clarify what we
want and to be more direct with what we want to say. A useful and profound
understanding may emerge... Greater choice brings with it increased
self-responsibility; and development of self-awareness brings about the
possibility of personal transformation.
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My own
therapeutic approach
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As we
are, of course, human beings, each person who comes to me for therapy is
primarily simply another being, here in this world. Our human experience of
being, this we share. Our initial meeting occurs on this common soulful
ground… and this remains our basis throughout the course of therapy.
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Human BE-ing
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I regard my clients with the same acceptance
with which I regard my self. I feel warmly towards others, and I’m glad to
be able to offer my self – the therapist’s basic tool. My own approach
encourages the development of self-truth and awareness through consciousness
of being in the present moment. Inner riches and freedom come through
courage, self-honesty, self-acceptance, self-understanding and
self-forgiveness… Eventually, through readiness and ability to face and
explore personal and universal truths, we may embark on the exciting
adventure towards self-integration. This gradual process brings with it
authenticity, spontaneity, intuitive creativity, self-nurturing,
self-actualisation and compassionate love.
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I bring to my practice the sum total of my
personal experience and life’s journey,
as well as my formal Integrative and Transpersonal trainings...
Mandala of Self-Forgiveness
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Training and Influences
My professional training is both Integrative
and Transpersonal.
In the course of my own process of
integration, the colourful threads of many textures which were assimilated
into the weaving of my professional Integrative-Transpersonal ‘cloth’ were
broadly Humanistic and Jungian, and included various approaches - Gestalt,
Psychodynamic, Existential, Person-Centred, Core Process, Transactional
Analysis, and CBT (Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy). Additionally and far more
importantly, my experiential training has been invaluable – adding something
powerful and distinctive to the way in which I now work. Very much aware of
process and pattern, with soulful-spiritual depth and expanse beyond
measure, for me the transpersonal is ‘home ground’.
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So,
what is ‘Integrative’?
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Integrative counselling and psychotherapy
hold the therapeutic relationship between therapist and client at its core,
embodying a synthesis of concepts and practices from various traditions and
philosophies - ‘breathed in’, assimilated, and then ‘breathed out’…
Furthermore, as I see it, integrative therapy
works to bring together all aspects of self into wholeness of being:
physical awareness, emotional experience, mind and spirit; and similarly, to
encourage the self to explore and assimilate our understanding of the
greater patterns of life - and of existence itself. |
Mandala of Past, Present and Future
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What is 'Transpersonal'? |
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Soul-to-Soul: seeking the
Beloved
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to enlarge
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The word ‘transpersonal’ literally means
'beyond the personal' - to a collective awareness of our self and others,
beyond the customary more surface consciousness and sense of personal
identity. Experience of the ‘transpersonal’ is profound, as we recognise the
oneness of life and our inter-connections with reality in all forms and
levels. Life becomes more meaningful, the individual subsequently gaining
the ability to form better interpersonal relationships and deepen the wish
to be of service to others, the planet and life itself.
And so, put another way, the ‘transpersonal’
therapist recognises the client is far more than their individual ego,
personality and physical/emotional/intellectual self. This approach, while
seeking to ease suffering, helps bring insight into the soulful nature of
personal and inter-personal reality, by exploring the felt process of
ordinary everyday life - or within spiritual, transcendent, profoundly
transformative or near-death experiences, which are beyond the ordinary
everyday; also through the symbols and archetypes found within our dreams -
waking and sleeping. |
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As the effective therapist evaluates what is
most needed at any stage of therapy, it may be felt more appropriate
initially that the client work on other more specific, more grounding,
issues first - such as containment of a present crisis, or a deep-rooted
lack of self-esteem.
The Transpersonal approach needs not be
overtly apparent.
As regards deep psychological unease, the
transpersonal approach encourages alternative perspectives, together with
exploration of what may have prompted such a state of crisis, distorted
perception, stuck-ness, unbalancing elation or apathetic decline.
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When stress is experienced, this may show
up in an infinite number of ways – often as a general sense of
exhaustion: physically - as bodily symptoms, injury and illness;
emotionally – as depression or hysteria, anger or grief; mentally - as
psychological unease, distortion, or imbalance; and spiritually - as
existential crisis, or loss of purpose and meaning. |
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When something becomes ‘too much’, the stress
we experience finds an outlet somewhere. We may resort to disengagement or
distancing in some way - from self, others or reality. Disconnection may
provide a sense of self-protection. It could be we have a fear we dare not
feel. Underneath, we sense something too painful to acknowledge… and we may
seek psychological escape or relief from psychological hurt.
When our need is extreme, we may need to
‘stop the world’ and ‘get off’ into ‘mental breakdown’ - a space where at
last we have permission to be stuck, to take a step back, to ‘do nothing’,
to be nurtured… while we explore and evaluate and re-define who and how we
are, or what we want to do and how we wish to live. We may have felt trapped
in a meaningless existence, while unconsciously longing to live our truth.
Sometimes it takes a huge effort to break
through the confines of the invisible ‘prison’ we have gradually built
around our self. This ‘prison’ may seem to have everything in it we could
wish for – materially. Our hunger is insatiable - but for what? If we do
not have wholeness, if our essential non-physical self is denied or
repressed, and who we think we are is limited to the changeable clothing or
‘mask’ of self called ‘personality’, we may seem to lose a sense of our
reality - and feel lost and alone. |
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Sometimes it takes
great courage to stay with what is going on within; to really feel the
feeling of fear – and simply stay in that feeling of fear - until it
passes or transforms. As we begin to discover our deeper self, we
experience an awe and wonder for life, a sense of compassion, a
recognition of something sacred, something special, a warming smile of
trusting acceptance in the eyes of a so-called ‘stranger’, sunlight on
dancing leaves, a wordless sense of being with all that is.
Life is continually changing, as we are, too: a cycle of emerging,
evolving, ebbing, flowing, merging, re-forming - like waves on the
ocean, like breathing...
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How can I help?
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Jaimie Cahlil
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I have varied professional experience to
draw upon, having worked with different age groups and issues -
including all kinds of stress and relationship difficulty, together with
issues of personal identity, loss and grief, abuse, low self-esteem,
sexual confusion, gender dysphoria, anxiety, depression, psychosis,
dissociation, and existential crisis. I work in private practice in
Oxford, UK, with individuals and couples, long- and short-term, as
required.
Enquiries, brochure, appointments, fees:
contact
Jaimie
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How therapy works –
and how
I work as a
Therapist
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As already described, my own therapeutic
approach is a finely woven fabric comprised of many colourful threads:
an assimilation of concepts and practices from various therapeutic
approaches and philosophical schools of thought, designed to assist in
personal exploration of our experience of self and other, of being alive
and part of it all – our whole personal experience: body (sensation and
passing emotion), mind (conscious and otherwise), together with soul and
spirit.
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Empathy – painted by Darran Ijada (son of Jaimie Cahlil)
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enlarge
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In the course of therapy, a wish may emerge
to pursue a search for ‘meaning’, a deeper experience of being, or a clearer
understanding of that which is.
Sessions may be used as support and guidance,
while exploring and facing the reality of life as experienced, and
acknowledging our deepest truth - which may be deeply uncomfortable although
also enriching and freeing, with the gradual emergence of the fully
authentic self.
The process of therapy is a potentially
exciting, healing and freeing journey, drawing the individual’s attention to
personal patterns and stories, while sensitively supporting them in feeling
their feelings and listening with awareness to their personal scripts and
attitudes, encouraging genuine be-ing and the freedom inherent in revealing
to the world their deeper genuine self. |
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As therapist, my own awareness of our shared
experience on the ‘being’ level creates in my self warm acceptance and
empathy, arising from this common ground. |
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Within the process of therapy, as feels
appropriate and beneficial for my clients – and with their consent, I may
suggest creative expression, such as dream-work, visualisation,
picture-making, clay-modelling, self-awareness + breathing exercises, and
basic meditation. Through this, our patterns of being and deeper truths may
be more clearly perceived.
My role is one who is ‘with’ - offering my
compassionate support in a steady safe boundaried space, so that clients may
experience trust, respect, acceptance and genuine connection - through their
current process of transition and growth, listening with my being to
whatever struggles and joys are brought, my presence and responses perhaps
providing timely soulful guidance.
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Beginning
Therapy
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Beginning therapy can be a courageous and
challenging step. Experience shows that clarity, continuity and
commitment are essential. Every person who contacts me receives a copy
of my counselling + psychotherapy brochure before we begin, which
creates the opportunity to reflect upon the contractual agreement that
is an essential part of our working together. Sessions are conducted on
a confidential and regular basis - normally weekly, a single session
length being (the standard) 50 minutes. On-going evaluation will take
place during the course of therapy, however long or brief that may be,
so that both therapist and client may remain clear as to the focus of
their work and the client’s evolving needs. Ending is also an important
process. When this point comes, it is important that sufficient time is
given to bring about a genuine sense of completion.
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ENQUIRIES
Jaimie Cahlil
works in private practice in Oxford (UK) primarily with individuals and couples,
also facilitating small groups in the form of workshops and small groups.
Further
information? See
counselling and psychotherapy and
art as therapy,
plus
coming events - and the relevant brochures.
General
enquiries - brochures + fees, appointments, bookings…
UK calls only (local call rate): 0845 644 1425 Or: 01865-45 31 31
International
calls: +44 (0)1865 45 31 31
+
Email
For those
familiar with Oxford, my practice is based at the Gipsy Lane/Oxford
Brookes University (city) end of Headington, on an excellent bus route, with
on-street parking for visitors. For those travelling in from outside Oxford,
Headington is situated close to the ring-road, off the A40.
(See
Location)
My
General Understanding...
The Light is Where We Are |
In this experience
we call LIFE, ‘beginnings and endings’ are usually perceived measured in
a linear way. I find that my own subjective experience of time - as in
the passing of every moment, every hour, every day - fluctuates
considerably. It is now widely suggested that what we call ‘time’ is not
linear, has neither beginning nor end, all time-space conceivably be-ing
in this one continuous process of ‘becoming’.
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For me it follows
that our essential ‘be-ing’ is within/beyond the present concept of
beginning and ending. Perhaps our existence is one creative cycle
dancing within a limitless energy-pattern of emerging and merging
continuity...
...like the image in
my painting ‘Giving is Receiving’, where light-essence flows from the
jug to the cup-becoming-jug...
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Giving is Receiving
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…and in my recent painting ‘As Waves on
the Ocean…’, where individual lives
rise from, and return to, the limitless ocean of being.
Like the Waves
of the Ocean
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All is essentially energy – which,
science confirms, cannot be destroyed but instead transformed.
There is a strong alchemical (transformative) core to the therapy I
offer. I believe ‘the moment’ contains all the potential required for
change; and every moment contains the pattern of how we relate – towards
our self and to others. In the context of therapy, whatever is happening
in the room is a gift - because it’s happening ‘now’, raw and alive, the
people there sharing an experience of the present moment. |
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Thich
Nhat Hanh: ‘Yesterday is already gone, tomorrow
is not yet here. Today is the only day’.
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Moment of
Your Being
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Within and beyond therapy, there is a way
in which two people may connect soul-to-soul… whatever the relationship,
however well-established or fleeting.
As Rumi says:
‘Out beyond all notion of right-doing or
wrong-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.’
J.M.C.
January 2006 |
